What Constitutes a Good Review? or: how to rate a rating and not look like a dick

There's something that I have been wondering about for a while. What exactly makes a review--specifically, videogame reviews in this case--actually good? More than that, how can you tell that a review is good, and then attempt to go on about critiquing someone else's review in a constructive way?

Right now, however, I don't really feel like being very constructive. There are some things that need to be said about people who decide to put their reviews up on YouTube or whatever other sites they decide to infest. I'll be honest that I'm not exactly a professional, but I've had my own reviews going on for quite some time. Because of that, I'm going to take a cue from every other idiot and start to review reviews. Right now, I won't name any names because that's just not what I do. If those people read this, then they know who they are and they should get the point.
If anybody who has seen these videos reads this, please speak up and say something about it.
Let me start with the YouTube videos. This may not even be all about people who put reviews up, but for the love of all living beings on this planet, you do not have to constantly say the F-word over and over and over and over and over. It gets old, and the crappy microphone you're using can't quite take much more of you screaming in your high-pitched voice anymore. Trust me, it hurts all of us.

For everybody who actually gets paid to write reviews, you have a much higher responsibility to your readers/listeners than anybody else. The amateur reviewers (those who get paid, but don't write for big-name companies) should really take this more as advice than anything else.

As was said before, all profanity that isn't funny -- yes, there are times in which the F-word isn't very funny -- and using even very little of it could get you pretty much fired. You don't want to alienate your audience by being condescending, either. Nobody likes a prick and insulting a game automatically stamps prick on your forehead. Yes, you can poke fun at the game, but somebody worked on that end product for a long time and it's not fair to just knock that person down just for the sake of some lame joke. I'm not criticizing against all reviewers who try to make a joke and fail, I'm just talking to those who continuously make horrible jokes and are idiotic enough to think they are funny. I'm not trying to say be boring, just know what you're talking about and try to actually get a smart opinion across without resorting to the worst of the worst.

Sex jokes = Not funny. Just needed to clarify that, so stop talking about how hot Lara Croft is and grow up just a little bit, no matter how many polygons she has.

I feel like I'm going to get a lot of flak for what you might think is attacking people who are just trying to get the word out, but I'm not. The people who want to get the word out are the ones I'm trying to support. I like those guys and girls. I'm not attacking anybody, but some people are just too annoying for me to take it anymore and so many people suck up to them for absolutely no reason whatsoever. If you ever find yourself starting a review with "so" for the fifth time in a row, try to get a little bit more creative, please.

I'm definitely not looking down upon everyone from my high horse nor am I some kind of videogame god. I have no high horse, and I'm just like all of you, I just need to speak up for those who don't. You're annoying; face it and try to fix it. No offense, I'm just a bit blunt.
:P